careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
