my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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