Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
