is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize