moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize