It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize