So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
