i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you win again, gameday.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
