So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
