is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
