i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
