fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
