While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
