I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
