Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
