youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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