I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
