He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize