Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
