I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
