Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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