My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
