I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
false alarm, still single
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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