She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
