His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
