i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
