I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
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