You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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