Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
