i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
