she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
