dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
