I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
