He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
