ya dads aren't the best wingmen
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize