So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
