You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
