guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
