I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
