I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
