All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
