ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So gin and wine won't be happening again
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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