At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
