he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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