I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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