But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
