someone get that fucking seahorse.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
50% drunk capacity currently
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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