he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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