All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
