I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
