Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
