Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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