That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
