I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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