you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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