Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize