i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
