I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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