he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
