Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize