i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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