I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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