did you get engaged???
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize