sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
