I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
A+ Viking dick
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