Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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