Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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