Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
