3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
