I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
