What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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