Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
