Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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