I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
