In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
