I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
