How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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